How to Plan a Reception Like a Pro

Step 1: Pick Your Venue

What type of venue offers what you want?

Banquet Hall/Hotel Ballroom

Pros: It comes with built-in decor; packages often include a day-of coordinator; it usually comes with the fewest hidden costs.

Cons: Yours may not be the only wedding on site that day; you may not love the space's linens, chairs or required vendors.

Best For: Traditional couples, those on a budget, glitz and glamor seekers (think gilded ceilings and chandeliers).

Outdoor Tent

Pros: You're free to choose your own vendors; you can celebrate outside without stressing about the weather.

Cons: Bathroom rentals, generators, and flooring can be expensive and can take a long time to set up; and you may need air conditioning or heat, as well as a second tent for your caterer.

Best For: Temperate climates, couples with generous budgets

Loft/Gallery Space

Pros: A definate cool factor waiting for your special touch - a blank canvas; indoor plumbing

Cons: There may be restrictions on noise, kitchen use, candles and hours

Best For: DIY enthusiasts; couple who want to make the most of their personal style; those with a generous budget.

 Step 2: Arrange the Room

To make sure that no one has a bad seat, arrange the table in a U shape around the dance floor with the head table and band or DJ at opposite sides.

Place family members closest for the head table so they feel special.

One bar per100 guests is typical and if you have extra room you could add cocktail tables or mini-lounges near the bar for mingling.

Step 3: Pink the Menu

Plated: 
This is the most elegant option. Stick with three course: soup or salad, a main course, and dessert. With more than that your guests will start to get bored.

Instead of a standard chicken or beef, personalize the menu by asking your caterer to try a twist on an heirloom family recipe.

Buffet:
One benefit to having a buffet is that guests are able to get up and mingle. They require less staff so they are usually cheaper. Budget for nice plates, florals, and your presentation and it will still feel classy.

Family Style:
Having guests pass platters of food around will feel more relaxed and informal. With guests serving themselves it can be more expensive. You can help defray this cost by having the kitchen plate the entree and then have the side dishes for the guests to pass.

Step 4: Order the Flowers

DO Keep an open mind. If the flower you love isn't in season, the cost will be higher and it may not have the availability of a similar bloom.

DO Keep the weather in mind. Many delicate blooms can not hold up in the heat.

DO Walk your florist through your venue. They may have wonderful ideas for decorating unusual places.

DON'T Try to cover up ugly spots in your venue - flowers will only draw everyone's eye.

DON'T Be predictable. Mix and match and let each table stand on its own.

DON'T Put flowers with strong fragrances on the tables, it can over power the food.

Step 5: The Right Lighting

Try these easy ambiance boosters for any budget.

$ Candlelight is an affordable way to create an intimate setting. Stock up on votive candles and use them liberally on table, windowsills, and walk-ways.

$$ For extra pop, try hanging globe lights or a string of cafe lights.

$$$ For maximum effect, hire a lighting designer to coordinate the colors to what is happening. Mimic candlelight during dinner and a deep orange shade for dancing, for instance.

Step 6: Choose the Music

Live band or DJ?

Book a DJ if you want a wide variety of music and to save a lot of money.

Book a band if your priority is a packed dance floor. If you are on a tight budget, hire some local talent and keep thereception to four hours.

Step 7: Stock the Bar

Open Bar: 
This  provides the most options for guests but can be quite pricey.

Beer and Wine:
These options will satisfy most guests. Buy enough Champagne to do your toasts and everyone should be happy.

Signature Cocktails:
Offer two favorite cocktails to represent you and your groom.

Step 8: Create a Timeline

Here is an example to work from:

6:00 pm     Cocktail hour
6:45 pm     Bride and Groom announced; welcome toast; guests are seated for dinner
7:00 pm     Dinner is served (20-30 minutes per course); Brief toasts during dinner
8:00 pm     First Dance, then family follows
8:15 pm     Dance Floor open to all
9:15 pm     Cake Cutting
9:45 pm     Bouquet Toss
10:15 pm   Last Call
10:30 pm   Last Dance; Send off

Step 9: Map the Dessert Table

Not everyone likes cakes so consider adding other treats - maybe even some family recipes.

The key to a gorgeous dessert table is - abundance. You don't want it to look flat or empty. Use stands and pedestals and trays to create a 'full' look.

Offer three to five bite-sized options from light and fruity to chocolatey. Estimate that guests will eat about five pieces each.

If you are creating a dessert buffet, keep in mind that you can save money by ordering a smaller cake for the cutting ceremony.

Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean?

This new series called, Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean? will be a series of articles giving you a 'quick reference' to keep handy - what happens first, who is invited to what, and who pays? Follow my blog to have easy access to all of them as they appear.

Pre-Wedding Festivities

The Bridal Shower

What it is: A shower is a way of honoring the bride-to-be, and “showering” her with gifts for her new married home. For showers, there are usually three key components: refreshments, fun activities, like games or quizzes and the bride opening her gifts in front of her guests.

Who hosts: Classic etiquette rules state that the bride’s mom or sister isn’t supposed to host the shower but these days, many moms and sisters do act as hostesses for these fun festivities, and it’s really a personal decision. You might find that a relative offers to host one shower for you, and a friend offers to host a different, more laid-back bash, where you can invite your pals. Sometimes, co-workers will throw you a shower, too. It’s completely fine to have multiple showers.

Who attends: Usually, it’s close female friends and relatives—just how big the guest list is up to you and your host. But the same rule goes for the shower as goes for the other pre-wedding parties: Don’t invite anyone you won’t invite to the actual wedding. There is only one exception: an office shower. It is understood that you may not be able to invite all your co-workers to the wedding.

Why to have it: Not only does a shower provide the couple with things that can make their newlywed house more of a home, it’s another opportunity to socialize with family and friends.

When to do it: Two to six months before the wedding is the ideal time. Keep it spaced out from your wedding date. That way, guests don’t feel like they’re going to so many wedding events right in a row.

Good to know: The bride absolutely must write a thank-you note to each guest, and it should be personalized.


The Bachelorette & Bachelor Parties

What it is: Girl bonding. Some people see the bachelorette party as a time for the bride to get ‘wild’ with her bridal party and maybe a couple other close friends. But they don’t necessarily need to go all out. For some, it’s an excuse to get together with girlfriends for some female-only fun. Some groups go on a weekend getaway to somewhere exciting like Napa or Las Vegas. Others just plan a classic girls’ night out.

Who hosts: The maid or matron of honor is responsible for planning and organizing the bachelorette party. All the bridal attendants are ex- pected to help with the planning.

Who attends: Usually the bridesmaids, and maybe some other close girlfriends of the bride. Destination bachelorette parties can mean a smaller group, since there will be travel costs.

Why have it: To let loose a little and have fun! Here you are spending time and energy planning your wedding. Isn’t it a great idea to chill out with your BFFs?

When to have it: It’s a big no-no to have your bachelorette party within two weeks of your wedding. Your plate will be filled with to-dos at that point, and you don’t want to risk any partied-out bridal-party members on the big day. One to three months beforehand is a better idea.

Good to know: The key here is to design a party that suits the honoree. Not everyone wants a wild
experience. I recommend not posting bachelorette-party photos to Facebook or other social-sharing sites where work colleagues, for example, could see them. And make sure your partygoers know not to, as well.

Bachelor Parties That Aren't Tacky

Your guy may not want the typical night of male debauchery. If he’s looking for more ideas, how about suggesting some of these?

Concert: He and his friends can go see a favorite band—and even tailgate beforehand.

Karaoke: Some karaoke places have private rooms you can rent out for parties, so anyone who sings only has to do it in front of friends.

Oktoberfest: In the fall, plenty of restaurants and organizations put together these rollicking festivals with lots of beer and food tasting.

Sporting events: A group trip to a favorite baseball, football or basketball team’s game is a perfect idea for a sports fan.

Golf outing, fishing adventure or camping: He can pick whatever outdoor activity he and his buddies are most into.


 The Rehearsal Dinner

What it is: Most couples have a wedding rehearsal, where bridal-party members and parents (and grandparents) of the bride and groom gather together to practice their roles in the ceremony. Afterward, there’s often a dinner to celebrate with those VIPs.

Who hosts: Traditionally, the rehearsal dinner is hosted by the groom’s family, but these days, some
couples prefer to host this dinner themselves or to have both sets of parents co-host.

Who attends: In the past, this was just the bridal party and the immediate families of the bride and groom.

But now some people include out-of-town guests as well, since these folks may have come a long way to be with you on your wedding day.

Why have it: You’ll have your nearest and dearest with you to celebrate more intimately than you likely will on your wedding day. Often, the rehearsal dinner is filled with speeches and toasts from family members and friends, and the bride and groom present presents to the wedding party members and parents, thanking them for their help.

When to do it: Usually the night before the wedding, or two nights before the wedding, directly after the rehearsal. If you’re not having a rehearsal, it’s okay to still have a rehearsal dinner. You might want to call it a “welcome dinner.”

Good to know: If it’s the day before the wedding, best not to plan this party to take place too late at night, since most people will want to be well-rested for the wedding. Consider hiring a photographer to come to this bash, since it’s often a very meaningful event.

Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean?

This new series called, Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean? will be a series of articles giving you a 'quick reference' to keep handy - what happens first, who is invited to what, and who pays? Follow my blog to have easy access to all of them as they appear.

Choosing the Perfect Wedding Cake

Want your cake to wow? Here's how to guarantee confection perfection.

Sampling cake flavors and choosing from a rainbow of frosting colors make working with a cake designer a truly delicious task. To be sure your just as satisfied with the end result, follow these steps. 

1. Ask Around

Begin your search for a cake designer about three to six months before the wedding—even sooner if you want an in-demand pro.  Some bakers' schedules start filling up about a year in advance.

Where do you begin your search? Word of mouth is the most powerful tool.  Ask recently married friends and family members for their recommendations. Many caterers, reception sites, photographers and florists have favorite bakers.

2. Narrow the Search

Most cake designers showcase confections they've created on their websites; you can also get an idea of whether you'll like their work from a phone conversation. Ask how they would define their style. Is it traditional, simply elegant, modern, whimsical, intricate? Don't forget to ask to ask for an estimated price range per guest. Interview two to three bakers.

In your initial meeting, look through a portfolio of the cake designer's work, and double-check that the details you know you want—say, intricate sugar flowers—are part of his or her body of work. If not, does he show versatility and an experimental spirit? Does she have the resources and background to do what want? Some small bakeries may not have the manpower or know-how to create the grand, geometrical structures in which others specialize.

Also, be sure to taste the samples of the baker's work. The flavor of the cake should be as good as any dessert you'd serve to guests. Do not compromise taste for the look of the cake.

3. Keep Talking 

After you've booked your cake designer, you will begin to create the cake. Share with your pro photos of cakes from magazines that have caught your eye. Provide the baker with as much information about your wedding as you can: the location, the level of formality, your dress, the colors, the flowers, the menu. You can even bring in your invitations to show your pro—they may inspire.

During this process, taste four or five cake-and-filling combinations, to find your favorite. Some flavors, like mango, are suitable for certain seasons like summer, others, like white chocolate with raspberry, are year-round favorites.

Price will be based on the size of the cake, the amount of labor needed to create it and the cost of its ingredients. More experienced or reputable pros are usually pricier.

4. Put it in Writing

To ensure you get exactly what you want, check that all the details, including the date, place and time of the wedding, plus the style and flavors of the cake, are in your contract with the designer. Your baker should update the contract anytime you change your mind, and as you choose further details. Whether it's with a written description or a sketch, it should be clear exactly how your cake will look on the wedding day.

Tasty Details

Brides and grooms are no longer afraid of color on cakes. Apple green, orange, hot pink and deep, orangy browns are popular choices. Color is also a great way to convey the season, along with sugar icicles, pine cones, flowers and fruit.

Cakes are being covered in stones, crystals, pearls, even embroidery, all made of sugar.

Monograms are very much in vogue. Monogrammed tiles made of sugar can be applied to the top or sides of the cake.

Personalization is also popular.

Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean?

This new series called, Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean? will be a series of articles giving you a 'quick reference' to keep handy - what happens first, who is invited to what, and who pays? Follow my blog to have easy access to all of them as they appear.

How to Negotiate with Vendors

Discussing fees and figures doesn't have to be daunting. Here's how to speak up—and save.

Most brides don’t look forward to negotiating prices with their vendors. If you’re like them, you may be thinking that haggling over money seems so…crass. After all, this is your wedding we’re talking about—the most romantic day of your life.

But think of it this way: Your goal is to develop a good working relationship with all your vendors—whether it’s your venue representative, your florist, your caterer or your photographer—so that you can get what you really want at the best possible price. Now that’s how to guarantee bliss!

1. Do your homework
Let’s say you and your fiancé are scouting around for a reception venue. You’ve found several, and there’s one you especially like. Don’t start negotiating until you’re well armed with quotes from the venue’s competitors. And well armed means knowing exactly what the competitors are offering for the same price. If a competitor offers a better deal, you can point that out to your first choice and ask if he can either whittle down his prices or throw in some extras to make up the difference.

2. Spell It Out
Be sure that you understand exactly what is included in a quoted price. The venue should itemize it for you; at that point you may find that you’re being charged for things you don’t really need—expensive seafood appetizers, perhaps?—and you can negotiate them out.

3. Be Nice
Using the right words and tone of voice is priceless when it comes to getting what you want. One way not to get a good deal is to say something like, “You gave my cousin a deal last year, and I think you should do the same for me”—this won’t win you a popularity contest and it won’t win you any special considerations either. Remember: You’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

4. Don’t Be Too Nice
No, we’re not really contradicting ourselves. Why not ask if you can get free coffee thrown in during dessert? Or an extra hour for the reception? Why not find out if your venue will provide a simple signature cocktail—free? One couple booked a private room in a restaurant for their party of 30—when politely asked, the restaurant happily dispensed with the room rental fee and even printed up a menu card for guests, free of charge. There’s loads of wiggle room when it comes to these types of fees.

5. Be Flexible
Is it fine with you to schedule your wedding on a Friday or even Thursday night? In autumn instead of spring or vice versa? What can your venue do for you if you’re willing to compromise? Many couples have gotten deals simply by avoiding Saturday night or picking a date at a resort during the off season.

6. Consider Your Advantage
You can feel free to walk away from a vendor if you don’t care for his attitude. Or at least pretend to walk away—that might make your chosen hotel venue suddenly remember that nice set of candlesticks that they can let you use, gratis, instead of leaving you to rent them yourselves. Naylor points out that the wedding industry depends so heavily on word-of-mouth referrals that any vendor is far likelier to treat you like a princess than give you a hard time. They know that if they do something nice for you, you’ll spread the word to your friends, your relatives, your neighbors, your coworkers, and then there’s your blog and your Facebook page…need we say more?

7. Watch out for “nibbling.”
Beware of extra charges that a vendor tacks on—usually just when you’re about to sign a contract. A charge for cake cutting? Cake plating, for goodness’ sake? You might be inclined to agree to it because you’re so close to wrapping this thing up and you’ve got a million other things to do—but don’t. Nicely say something like, “In light of the overall fee, I was hoping to avoid extra charges.” It’s worth a try.

Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean?

This new series called, Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean? will be a series of articles giving you a 'quick reference' to keep handy - what happens first, who is invited to what, and who pays? Follow my blog to have easy access to all of them as they appear.

Choosing a Wedding Videographer

Zoom in on the latest wedding video trends, and find the best match for your needs. Then, choose the video pro to make it happen.

Even more than photographs, a wedding video truly captures the spirit and magic of your big day—in living color. And, thanks to advancements in digital technology, the quality of these videos has improved dramatically over the years. Instead of using the large, obtrusive analog (VHS) cameras that were standard 10 years ago, most videographers now shoot with small, discreet digital video cameras.

Also, you'll probably get a video mastered in DVD format, ensuring better picture quality and a shelf life of 100 years (as opposed to 15 years with a VHS tape). What can you expect your video to look like? Here's an overview of your options, plus how to get the most for your money, and some tips on finding the right pro.

Basic Service

"Point-and-shoot" videographers, as they're known, provide only elementary documentation of your day, so they're your least expensive option (around $1,000). If you've seen any of your friends' wedding videos…well, you get the picture.

While these videos adequately deliver a record of the events, some brides have told us that their "point-and-shoot" videos look a bit cheesy, thanks to the pros' use of gimmicky animated graphics and sound effects—you might want to tell your pro to tone down these kinds of treatments.

Also, tell your videographer not to approach your guests, prodding them to "say a few words" to the camera: This is considered very passé. And be sure to specify the music you want included in the soundtrack (videographers tell us that a popular pick is "The Blower's Daughter," by Damien Rice, which was featured in the movie Closer).

Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean?

This new series called, Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean? will be a series of articles giving you a 'quick reference' to keep handy - what happens first, who is invited to what, and who pays? Follow my blog to have easy access to all of them as they appear.

11 Important Wedding Reception Site Questions

Have your heart set on a particular reception site? Make sure you've answered these key questions before you book it.

You can't really set a wedding date until you've secured a You can't really set a wedding date until you've secured a location for your wedding reception (and ceremony), so the sooner you tackle this task, the better—do it 10 to 12 months in advance, if possible.

Once you've narrowed down your choices (a hotel? a banquet hall? a country club?), sit down with the banquet manager (or other representative) at each place to hash out the details. If you like what you hear, you can cross this task off your list and start planning the party itself.

Renting an all-inclusive hotel ballroom or banquet hall is a great idea, since these are likely to have well-trained staffs who have worked hundreds of weddings as well as a manager who will handle most of the details for you. However, don’t discount other wonderful venues that can give your party a little more personality:

• Aquarium
• Art gallery
• Baseball or football stadium
• Beach
• Botanical garden
• Campsite
• Casino
• College campus
• Cruise ship
• Dude ranch
• Fairgrounds
• Farm
• Historic mansion
• Industrial loft
• Island resort
• Lighthouse
• Museum (fine art, natural history, aviation, wax…)
• National park
• Opera house
• Planetarium
• Private home
• Private yacht
• Racetrack
• Restaurant
• Ski lodge
• Theater
• Theme park
• Vineyard
• Zoo

What services does the rental fee include?
Some reception halls provide catering services as well as all the necessary equipment (tables, chairs, linens, tableware and so on), while others offer only the room, requiring you to take care of all the equipment rentals.

To ensure that your party runs smoothly, the site should provide a banquet manager (or other senior staff member) who will be present on the day of your wedding at no extra charge. For an additional fee, you might also be able to arrange for valet parking, a restroom attendant and a coat room attendant.

Is the rental fee cheaper if we don't book a Saturday night?
Saturday night weddings are the most expensive, since that's the most sought-after time. But if you book a Friday or Sunday night you'll likely get a better rate—about 30% lower—simply because those days are less in-demand. Rental fees also vary per month—you'll get a better deal if you book a date during low season (usually the months of November through April).

Are you hosting other events before, during or after ours on the same day?
Try to avoid booking a banquet hall that's hosting another wedding simultaneously—you want the staff's attention to be focused entirely on your event. It's more common for sites to book an afternoon and evening event on the same day, which usually isn't a problem.

Most sites are rented in four-hour increments, with two hours built in on both sides of the event, so that your vendors will have time to set it up and break it down. If your wedding is going to require more than two hours' worth of styling, consider booking a site that has no other receptions planned that day so your vendors won't feel rushed.

Can we bring in our own caterer?
If your location offers catering, this probably won't be allowed. However, if your site does
welcome outside caterers, you may be required to choose from a list of "preferred" vendors—companies the site managers trust and who know the ins-and-outs of the reception space's kitchen and dining areas.

What is your alcohol policy?
Your catering fee might include a full open bar, for which you'll be charged either a flat fee or by
the hour—or you may have the option of being charged based on what, and how much, guests actually consume. Some sites don't have liquor licenses, in which case you'll have to purchase the booze yourself. Or, if you're using an independent caterer, you can ask him or her to handle the specifics for you.

Are your health-department and insurance certificates up to date?
Reputable sites meet health codes and carry liability insurance in case someone becomes severely injured while on the property. If there's no paperwork to prove these things, you don't want to do business there.

Are there adequate restroom facilities?
Always check out the toilet situation. Look for cleanliness, of course, and make sure the bathrooms can accommodate your crowd. In general, you'll need at least two bathroom stalls for every 100 guests; for 150 guests, four or more stalls are ideal.

Can you accommodate physically challenged guests?
While most buildings will have ramps and elevators, don't just take the manager's word for it. Do a walk-through to see for yourself how well these features will meet the needs of your wheelchair-
bound guests. Look for spacious elevators, wide ramps and doorways, handicapped-accessible bathroom stalls in both the men's and women's restrooms and so on.

Is there air-conditioning?
Don't assume. Ask. If you're getting married in the hot summer months, this is essential to your and your guests' comfort.

Are there any restrictions we need to know about?
If a site is located in a heavily residential area, it might be held to noise restrictions set forth by the community—meaning, you may be required to close down your party at a certain hour (10 p.m. is a common cut-off time). Also ask about fire hazards—some sites do not allow the use of taper candles or sparklers, for instance.

What is your payment and cancellation policy?
If you've chosen a site and are satisfied with the services promised, you will be asked to sign a contract that includes everything that's been discussed verbally—such as the name of the room you're
renting, the items provided and the number of staff, the times allowed for setup and breakdown, the hours allotted for your party, the taxes and even the gratuities. Upon signing, you may be asked to provide a security deposit (find out if, and under what circumstances, your money is refundable, and make sure this is clearly stated in the contract).

Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean?

This new series called, Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean? will be a series of articles giving you a 'quick reference' to keep handy - what happens first, who is invited to what, and who pays? Follow my blog to have easy access to all of them as they appear.

10 Questions to Ask Before Booking Your Florist

1. Is working within my budget feasible?

Before you schedule appointments with potential florists (search Photo of the Day and Pinterest for ideas), get a feel for their prices first. You don’t want to fall in love with the perfect floral arrangements for your wedding just to find out they won’t be able to work within your budget. After that, nothing will live up to what you’ve seen, and you will end up overspending on flowers for your big day. Open the lines of communication and tell the florist what your plans are (how many bridal party attendants you’ll have, the number of guests and/or tables, and what you have in mind for the décor), which should help them give you a solid "yes" or "no." Book with caution if you get a "maybe"—find someone with a similar style whose stellar services you can afford.

2. Are my favorite flowers currently in season?

If you’re enamored with the full, lush look of peonies (but are planning November nuptials), then be prepared to pay top dollar for choosing blooms that are out of season. If you don't ask about availability, florists will still use your favorite flowers, but it could cost you. That doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your vision completely: Try finding in-season flora with a similar look or using pricier flowers sparingly. It’s always more cost-effective to be flexible with your flower selections.

3. How long have you been doing weddings?

Although someone might be a top-tier florist, it doesn't necessarily mean they are skilled at creating wedding bouquets and centerpieces (which require different techniques than other types of floral arrangements). Experience is also a huge factor: Someone who has been cranking out the same designs for 20 years may not be the best fit for the unique wedding style that you want, while a visionary up-and-comer may share your design sense, but they might not have the notches on their
belt to be able to execute their designs in a professional and timely manner. The key is to select a vendor who strikes a balance and can satisfy your particular needs.

4. What is your style (modern, classic, natural or glam)?

Close your eyes and imagine the décor of your fantasy reception (all costs aside). What do you see? An enchanted forest with trees covered in twinkly lights? Tall, all-white centerpieces with a classic look and feel? Or perhaps romantic blooms spilling out of rhinestone-encrusted containers? While florists don’t have to stick to their own personal style, their work will shine if it’s closer to what they’re used to creating.

5. Can we see a portfolio of photographs from previous weddings you have worked on?

Floral arrangements from past clients will give you a sense of how the florist's style has evolved over time (if at all), and show what their specialities are. Pay close attention to the florist’s feedback when you show them photos or collages you’ve brought with you—this input can be equally important. Is the style familiar to them? Is this something they have created before? Do they seem to be comfortable with what you are asking for?

6. Do you take more than 1 wedding per day? How many weddings or events do you have the same week as our wedding?

If a florist says they book four to six events per weekend and have their staff install for them, ask how many lead designers they have on staff. You don’t want a florist who spreads themselves too thin, which can lead to errors. If you want something unique and if you need a little more hand-holding during the design process, don’t book someone who already has their hands full and won’t give you the attention you are seeking.

7. Will you make samples for me to see, and work with me to adjust them as needed?

No matter how impressive a florist’s photos are, you must see a mock-up to determine if they can truly bring your vision to life. Most floral designers will include a mock-up if you meet a certain minimum, while others will only do one at an additional cost…if you’re the type of bride who needs to see it beforehand so you know you love it, then be sure your florist includes a prototype as part of their package. This gives you both the chance to make any necessary adjustments long before the big day and find out how they will impact your budget.

8. Do you advise on linens, upgraded chairs and table settings?

We recommend hiring someone who takes an interest in the overall look of your décor (linens, chairs, tableware and lighting)—not just your flowers. Some designers will handle upgraded linens and rentals as part of their bid (which usually means they are marking them up), others will choose extras but have the coordinator handle the bids, and some won’t even take part in this process at all. You need to know what their role will be.

9. How do you charge: flat fee or per item? Is there a delivery charge?

Clarify how their pricing works before you sign on the dotted line. Find out exactly what the package includes and what costs extra (e.g. is that gorgeous vase yours to keep, or will you be slapped with a hefty bill if a guest takes it home). Make sure to find out if there is a delivery fee, an on-site transaction fee or any other places additional charges may occur. Your estimate should reflect all costs associated with the entire completion of your wedding.

10. Do you have liability insurance? What is the refund/cancellation process? When is payment due?

These days, venues aren't taking any risks: Many require liability insurance policies by all vendors, including your florist. There are other factors that could affect payment, such as changing your wedding date or canceling the florist for another one. Also look into their payment plan, which includes a deposit and subsequent payments.

Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean?

This new series called, Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean? will be a series of articles giving you a 'quick reference' to keep handy - what happens first, who is invited to what, and who pays? Follow my blog to have easy access to all of them as they appear.

•  Create Your Guest List

You just got engaged, and over takeout and a bottle of wine, you and your fiancé decide to take a stab at your guest list. You agree to create ironclad "rules": First, no one is invited with a guest unless they are engaged or living together; second, no kids, except for those included in your bridal party. You're off to a good start—until your future mother-in-law calls to tell you how much she'd appreciate it if you'd include your fiancé's three second cousins, all under the age of 12. What to do?

Here, answers to some of the trickiest guest-list questions.

First Things First

Before you start jotting down names on paper, you and your fiancé need to come up with a number: an estimate of how many guests to invite. This, of course, will largely depend on your budget and on the size of your reception site. Sharon Naylor, author of The Essential Guide to Wedding Etiquette (Sourcebooks Casablanca), suggests that you then create four lists and label them "A" through "D."

Your "A" list should include those people, beyond close family members, whom you can't imagine getting married without, such as your college roommate and the friends you hang out with every
weekend. Aunts, uncles, cousins and high school friends you've stayed in touch with should make up your "B" list, while your "C" list should include coworkers, your parents' friends and neighbors you've known forever. Finally, your "D" list can tally up distant cousins, friends you've lost contact with and your parents' bridge partners. As your list grows and you need to eliminate people, start with your "D" list and work your way backward. It sounds awful, because you don't really want to rank the people in your life, but it does work well.

The Parent Trap

Sometimes Mom and Dad have a guest-list agenda of their own. Jennifer and Robert had dreamed of having an intimate wedding. But their dream faded fast as their parents' lists of invitees ballooned. The couple decided to take charge. "We told our parents they couldn't invite anyone that my fiancé and I hadn't seen in the last six months," says Jennifer. To keep the peace, Jennifer and Robert suggested that their parents keep a back-up list of people they could invite if others declined.

Make things clear to both your families early on. Traditionally, each family invites half the guests. However, if you and your fiancé are paying for the wedding, you may choose to divide your list in thirds: one-third for the bride's family; one-third for the groom's; and one-third for the couple. This is a neat formula, but real life may not be so simple. Sometimes one family takes on most of the expenses. If this is the case, you have to find an equitable way to divide the guest list based on this.
Once you do, give each set of parents a pre-determined number of invites, Ingram advises—and stick to it!

The "and Guest" Debate

Typically, couples marrying in their 20s and 30s have lots of single friends, which quickly raises the question of whether to invite them to bring a date to the wedding. It's generally accepted that any potential guest who is in a long-term relationship (6 months or more) should be invited with his or her significant other. Beyond that, forget about adding "and guest" indiscriminately to single friends' invitations.

For some going alone may actually be a golden opportunity to meet potential dates. Your single pals may prefer that possibility to scrounging around for an escort. You may just have a lot more fun on your own.

And what if someone sends back a response card that includes the name of a guest you didn't invite? (It does happen!) Simply explain to your invitee that you have, for reasons of budget or size of venue, kept your guest list to a minimum and, unfortunately, you cannot extend your invitation to her guest. That should settle the matter.

The Ex Factor

Although inviting an ex to a wedding is generally considered taboo, it might in some cases be acceptable, especially if one partner has an ex with whom he or she shares children. A lot of people end relationships maturely and keep in touch over the years and actually become friends. If you or your fiancé is in a similar situation, discuss your feelings. The important thing is that the couple make the decision together.

The Kid Question

You may think kids are great but not really want them to attend your wedding. If so, address your invitations to parents only—this should send the right message. Or maybe you want to invite only the children of your immediate family. You can avoid offending people by asking friends or family members to help spread the word about your decision.

Sometimes a compromise is in order. When Jill and Mike decided that their wedding would be a black-tie affair held at a high-end hotel, they created a "limited kids" rule. "We wanted only the children who were in our bridal party to attend," says Jill. "But we were prepared to hire babysitters for the children of our guests who were coming in from out of town. The kids and the sitters stayed at the hotel, and it worked out fine for everyone." If you decide to do this, consider supplying goody
bags filled with toys and games, and arranging to have pizza delivered. Another compromise: Set aside a separate area at your reception for a children's party, and hire one or more babysitters to oversee the festivities.

Office Politics

If you work in an office with fewer than 10 people, you probably know them all, and they've most likely been privy to your wedding talk for some time. In this case, the proper thing to do is to invite everyone rather than single out just one or two coworkers. If you work for a larger company, you can choose to skip the office invites altogether, or invite only your closest pals. Remember that if coworkers are married or have a serious significant other, you must include their partners in the invitation.

Should you invite your boss? That depends on your rapport. Lori decided it was the right thing for her to do. "I socialize outside of work with the partners in my law firm, so it seemed appropriate," she says. However if you have a more formal relationship, it isn't necessary.

Tough Calls

On the fence about certain people? Jennifer and Robert regretted their decision not to invite a couple they had lost contact with. Soon after the wedding, they started spending time with this couple again, and Jennifer says she felt awkward every time the subject of their wedding came up. Her advice? "If you're unsure, err on the side of being inclusive," she says. And, if you're no longer friendly with certain people from your past, don't feel obliged to invite them to your wedding just because they invited you to theirs. Also, don't bow to parental pressure to include people they know, but you don't. When trying to make tough decisions, ask yourself if the potential guest will be a part of your life in the future. "If someone still means something to you, you probably still mean something to him or her. Trust your instincts. That's how to make sure that you have the people you really want at your wedding.

Next Time: Choosing your Bridal Party

Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean?

This new series called, Your Wedding: How to Plan and What Does it Mean? will be a series of articles giving you a 'quick reference' to keep handy - what happens first, who is invited to what, and who pays? Follow my blog to have easy access to all of them as they appear.

So, he popped the question and you said, "Yes!" What now?

• Announce Your Engagement
  Engagement season is upon us, and many of you ladies and gents will soon be changing your Facebook statuses from “in a relationship” to “engaged,” thus beginning a whirlwind of parties and planning and wedding wonderfulness.
  
  But first thing first: How do you tell the world that you will be marrying the person of your dreams? Whether it be a digital card, a mailed announcement or a simple social media update, this is a perfect time to show off your personalities and have a little fun - be creative!

• Set Your Budget
  The bulk of many wedding etiquette questions center around financial issues. In past generations, the bride's family paid for the majority of the wedding expenses. The groom's lucky family got off with just the rehearsal dinner, and the groom himself paid for the honeymoon, the bride's rings, and assorted other small expenses.
  
  That was then. Nowadays, with the costs of weddings growing and many couples marrying later when they are more likely to have careers and incomes of their own, more brides and grooms are contributing to, or even picking up entirely, the cost of the wedding. And the parents of many grooms are also contributing more than in the past; a popular option is to have the bride's family, the groom's family, and the couple each contribute one-third.
  
  
  For reference, the following is the traditional breakdown of expenses:
  
  Bride's family pays for:
  
      Engagement party (optional)
      Wedding invitations and other stationery (announcements, thank-you notes, etc.)
      Services of bridal consultant
      Wedding gown and accessories
      Flowers for ceremony and reception sites
      Bouquets for bridesmaids
      Music
      Photography
      Videography
      Ceremony
      Reception
      Bridal party transportation to ceremony
      and reception
      Family's wedding attire
  
  Bride pays for:
  
      The groom's ring
      The bridesmaids' luncheon
      Gifts for the bridesmaids
      Wedding gift for the groom
  
  
  Attendants pay for:
  
      Bachelor and bachelorette parties
      Gifts for the bride and groom
      (can purchase individual gifts or chip in on a group gift)
      Wedding attire and accessories
      Transportation to and from wedding town or city
  
     
  Groom's family pays for:
  
      Engagement party (optional)
      Rehearsal dinner
      Their own wedding attire
  
  Groom pays for:
  
      The bride's rings
      The marriage license
      Officiant's fee
      His formalwear
      Personal flowers: the bride's bouquet, boutonnieres for wedding party, corsages for mothers and grandmothers
      Gifts for the groomsmen
      Wedding gift for the bride
      Gifts for parents
      Honeymoon
      Transportation to the honeymoon

Next time: Guest Lists!